The best funny quotes about life
Can't life be wonderful sometimes, at other times it can be a real pain in the ass. For the bad times here are some funny life quotes.
"My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it. " Abraham Lincoln
"If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done... " anonymous
"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all." Sam Ewing
"If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks." Rita Rudner
"When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always." Rita Rudner
"Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours. " Benjamin Disraeli
Have a read of some of the greatest famous quotes about life.
"I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something." George Burns
"You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman "It's plucking your eyebrows". That's how I originally got pierced ears." Geri Jewell
"When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken " anonymous
"When on the ladder of success, don't let boys look up your dress! " Anonymous
How about these quotes about life.
"Don't question GOD, as he may say, if you are so eager for answers, then please come up." Anonymous
"It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something." (Deep Thoughts) Saturday Night Live Jack Handey
"This 3-year-old kid is home alone, and a salesman comes to the door. The kid answers, and he’s got a porno in one hand, a cigar in one hand and a bottle of J.D. The salesman goes, “Hi, little boy, are your parents home?” The kid goes, “What the f**k do you think?”" Avril Lavigne
"Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them. " Dick Van Dyke
"Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you." Ray Romano
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