The Myth of Self-esteem: How Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy Can Change Your Life Forever

This is my opinion:

I’m not sure how this man gets away with implying that he is debunking a myth. Contrary to statements in the book, psychologists have told us for DECADES (largely to Mr. Ellis’ own influence) that it ISN’T true that our worth as human beings is related to our accomplishments in life. Dr. Ellis, you can’t debunk something that has already been debunked, so just stop it! Perhaps if you had published this book about 30 years earlier, it could have been called debunking, but certainly not now. I think the main reason he did what he did is that he needed an eye-catching title.

In spite of the fact that ideas of unconditional self-acceptance have permeated our culture, it doesn’t seem to be doing us much good, and so now we have a tidal wave going in the reverse direction. People are beginning to see the illogic in it.

Notice that there are many psychologists who tell us that we are o.k. just who we are, while at the same time they are endlessly striving for bigger, more influential roles in society. They are intelligent, witty, and insightful, make good money, wear nice clothes and dine in classy restaurants. I am not necessarily calling it hypocrisy, but I WOULD call it denial. The next time your psychologist tells you that you are worthy of love and friendship, ask him or her ,”Oh, really? Do you love me? How about dinner and a movie tomorrow night?” or “Great. My other friends and I are getting together for the game tomorrow night. My apartment is tiny and in a bad part of town, but we would like it very much if you would come. Can you make it?” Without a long list of accomplishments, maybe you can learn to like or even admire yourself, but your psychologist certainly doesn’t have to.

I am not saying that thoughts of unconditional self-acceptance cannot help sustain us during the more difficult times of our lives, but I don’t think that this way can sustain us forever. Man cannot live on bread alone.

Some people do appear to like themselves, even when their list of accomplishments is quite small – unless you would call social skills an accomplishment. Being able to relate well to people is an ability that not all of us have, and those of us who do have it seem to weather the storms better than those who don’t.

I think that Dr. Ellis’ ideas have some value, but I am not sure how much. From all appearances, his ideas have helped some people, although I think most of those who were “helped” were those whose lives were fairly normal and who just needed some help getting over the humps. The author can talk a good game, but for me it just doesn’t hold water. You can try to change human nature, but it usually doesn’t work.

Rating: 2 / 5

This book continues on from earlier works by attempting to further define and strengthen arguments for accepting ‘USA’. I say ‘attempt’. The approach in this book seems to be going through one philosophical or religious stance after another, and judging it based on the ‘USA’ concept. Ellis doesn’t simply evaluate these beliefs on the support of ‘USA’ alone. It’s whether or not they practice HIS version of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. He even evaluates other doctors, such as David Burns (Feeling Good) on if they support HIS interpretation of USA! And you’d better not believe in God. Ellis seems to make the very idea of a belief in God irrational. And you’d have thought the whole field of CBT, or REBT, originated entirely from him, rather than from a number of different individuals at different times. He can’t stop talking about himself, or how much better his theories are from everybody else’s. Oh, and calling your potential readers and clients ‘whiners’ at every breath isn’t very compassionate, either.
Rating: 1 / 5

Many Americans are `self-esteem’ nuts. They have been obsessed for long time to seek building and enhancing `self-esteem’.

But what is `self-esteem’ anyway? Typically, in the mind of most people in America, it means `overall rating of your worth as a person’.

If you’re an intelligent person capable of critical thinking and are willing to seriously think about the concept of this `self-esteem’ stuff, you’ll tend to feel that it’s very confusing.

`I speak very well, so I feel good about my self’; then `I’m overweight, so I feel lousy about myself’; then `my school grade is A+, so I’m better than most people in the class’; then `I failed to enroll in Harvard, what a loser I am’; then `Cathy didn’t invite me for her wedding, so I must be not good enough, I feel depressed’, etc, etc. So, how much is your ‘total worth’? No wonder so many people’s `self-esteem’ is in the hands of other people.

In order to rate your `total worth’ (self-esteem) against other people, you have to enlist all of your strength and weakness and opinion of every people you know, and enlist all the attributes of other people you can imagine, and weigh them on a magic balance.

How this is possible? What’s your overall worth to yourself?

THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! It’s absurd to rate your `total worth’. It’s absurd that `your total worth’ depends on comparison with and opinion of other people.

As a person, you value your own existence, care for your own needs and naturally want to enjoy your life. So, based on reality, naturally you want to develop some skills and abilities to earn a decent living and also to seek to realize you potential. That’s all. You’re not perfect (not even close to being perfect). No one really is. You don’t have to rate your `total worth’. The `total self-worth’ in public eyes is really an arbitrary foolish idea.

This book powerfully refutes this `total self-worth’ myth. But considerable intelligence is required on a reader’s part to fully understand the content of the book.

I would not be surprised if only a small proportion of people in America can truly understand and appreciate this book.

Rating: 4 / 5